If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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