My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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