Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
