I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Come on in and take your pants off
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