to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
