i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
