Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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