we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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