Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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