Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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