So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
