dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
