just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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