Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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