does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
