I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
