Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
