Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
