And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
