Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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