I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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