Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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