wanna go halves on a baby?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
