so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
