I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
