Do vagina's smell?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
