Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
