Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am available for nakedness
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
