I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Pooping to opera.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
