is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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