apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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