ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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