i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
