i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
