My room smells like vodka and shame
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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