can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
