I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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