awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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