I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
