Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
