If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
