I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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