how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
