My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
