i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
