there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
