i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
