How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
