Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
