Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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