Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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