I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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