YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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