Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
