that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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