saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
