the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
