I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
